im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
