I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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