you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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