Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
