You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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