you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
