After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
