our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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