He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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