First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
