Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
