I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
