i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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