Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
