New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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