I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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