Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
