last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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