That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
