Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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