I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
