I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
