i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
