you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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