Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
