i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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