It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
