I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
