pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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