my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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