I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think your dad took our porno
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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