OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize