"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
