His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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