i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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