just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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