Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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