my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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