so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
