Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
