I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Me too!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
