Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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