12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize