so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
