omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's just like the Real World with babies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i've created a new STD.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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