If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
