I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
People in love make me want to vomit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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