If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
