its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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