My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There r osticjed everywhere
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
