I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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