Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
