I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
