if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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