He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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