My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize