The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
