I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
