this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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