How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
