apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
