Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
