my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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