Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
