i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
