Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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