If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
