i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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