Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
