I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
