Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize