i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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