If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
