wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
