I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
