There is no way he is gay with that hair.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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