Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
