Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
