i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize