Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to make out with him forever
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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