I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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