I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
