Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
