I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
