I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
