Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"it" just moved
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
