five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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