Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
