i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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