I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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