we have officially lost it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize