Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
