I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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