where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
