so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
