So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
