did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
