I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
