You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
