Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
