yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
