Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize